What Moving On Truly Entails
Part of what makes your adulthood so difficult is the amount of change you go through; it's such a volatile time compared to other periods in your life! I've been out of high school for ten years almost, and boy have I been through a lot of change. And of course for good reason, we're constantly evolving into our higher selves, but it can be difficult to keep up with yourself at times. I know my wardrobe and style has changed dramatically every couple years. My taste in music has evolved and gone through so many phases too: from my hardcore rap phase, to the EDM phase, to the sexy bedroom music with the Weeknd/Torey Lanez, to the pop songs with inspirational messages like Alessia Cara. I've moved cities three times. I've changed careers 5-6 times in the last ten years. I worked at three schools in two different states. I've traveled to over 15 countries and have made countless friendships. I've fallen in and out of love. Mended a broken heart more times than I would have liked. I've been "fat," I've been "skinny," and really lean and muscular too. I've said goodbye to so many people, others have just been cut off, or cut me off. I still think about the closure I would've wanted, or the words I still wish to say. I think about people a lot-- the ones that are in my life but a lot of the time, the ones that aren't any more.
You navigate through life hoping that you're getting warmer and warmer to the person you wish to be. Part of becoming that person means you have to give up qualities about yourself and grow into that person-- which means you've got decisions to make constantly whether you like it or not. Do I like this job? Do I even have a job, and if not, what do I want to do? Am I happy with the relationships I have with my friends? Are they there for me? Am I happy with my partner? Is that who I want to be with? Do I take care of myself? It's a constant checks and balances system to make sure you are where you want to be, and if not, making the necessary adjustments to keep it moving.
But how? How do you manage to keep it moving? I love change, trust me. There's nothing more exciting than evolving; getting more in tuned with who you want to be and what you want to be doing. It's not always easy making that transition. Because we also grow comfortable with where we are. I may not be happy at my job or with my partner or the routines I have with my friends, but it's comfortable and I might be content with that (which doesn't make moving on any easier). And when you finally do move forward, it feels as though when the going gets tough, all you want to do is return back to what was once so comfortable.
"The pain, the anger, the resentment, the what-I-shouldve-done-or-said feelings will be replaced by almost an objective nostalgia; a "hey, that was nice."
My advice to you is keep going. You made the decision to move forward for a reason, so trust in yourself. And most importantly, the main message I have for you on how to move on is create new experiences.
If you are heartbroken and moving on from an old relationship, the last thing you want is to feel all that pain right now. You miss him or her and probably even contemplate speaking to them. New potential partners you meet are just compared to your old partner and you're in this torn in between place-- the past brings you hurt, the present is filled with pain, so all you can really do is focus on a new day that will soon come. How can you get closer to that fresh start?
By making new experiences. Make new friends, make new memories with the same friends, go to new restaurants, get invested in a new passion or go after newly established goals. After breaking up with my last girlfriend, I was so hurt that all I wanted to do was think about her and what we had. I was in too much pain to go and take my baggage out into the dating world again, so I tried to stay away as much as possible and focus on moving forward with the rest of my life as I healed in this domain. I went after fitness goals, I decided to explore my city more, and really just put myself out there-- get out of my head and get out there and focus outside of me! The best way to move forward from experiences that didn't serve you is to fill your life up with new experiences and move as far away as possible from your past.
LEAVE IT THERE. Leave it in the past. Become so engrossed in your present and your future that before you know it, you'll look up and your life will be in such a different place, that that experience of you in pain will seem so foreign. The pain, the anger, the resentment, the what-I-shouldve-done-or-said feelings will be replaced by almost an objective nostalgia; a "hey, that was nice. I'm glad that happened" type of feeling. You can begin reflecting on your experience without all of the emotions tied to the memories; to learn and move forward with clearer direction rather than just wanting it back.
Because in such volatility, as this meme on this post suggested, the best thing you can learn is to adapt. Learn to move on and be okay with change. Embrace the change and run with it. It can be one of the most painful things for someone to tell you "just give it time" when you are in deep hurt-- but they are right; time will allow you to fill your life with new experiences, which will allow you to heal and move forward.
That's what it's all about. Keep moving forward. Be kind to yourself and be patient too. Even the strength to move forward takes time, but give yourself that nudge-- commit to something new today and watch how you emerge from the past!!